A page a day

A professional writer's private thoughts

Archive for April Fool’s Day

Millennials to bloggers: “Please stop accusing us of ruining everything.”

Millennials from around the nation descended on New York City today to protest the onslaught of virulent national blame they’ve been subjected to for “f-ing up the national economy, the real estate market, and failing to procreate,” summarized one protester, a man in his late twenties who gave his name as “Bueller Ferris.”

“Oh, and it would also be great if people could stop saying that Ryan Lewis/Macklemore’s ‘Thrift Shop’ is our generational anthem,” added a woman standing nearby, clearly dressed in second-hand clothes from her grandmother’s closet. “I hate that song, especially the R. Kelly part. Gross! Also, that line about keyboards and kneeboards? It makes no sense.”

The protesters, who gathered outside independent coffee shops with the idea that most bloggers who’ve targeted their lifestyle choices and economic decisions probably don’t work in offices or patronize Starbucks (perhaps because they also happen to be members of Generation Y), passed out leaflets featuring some of the recent coverage they’ve found particularly insulting. Among the articles that generated ire:

Millennials hate money: Do Millennials Stand a Chance in the Real World? – “The millennials’ relationship with money seems quite simple. They do not have a lot of it, and what they do have, they seem reluctant to spend.”

Millennials hate cars: Auto Brands Look to Woo Millennials with Entry-Level Luxury – “They’re proving to be the most elusive in terms of attaching themselves to brands and even to the idea of owning a vehicle.”

Millennials hate hamburgers: McDonald’s Brand Appeal in Danger Among Millennials – “McDonald’s will need to change its ways as young people are demanding healthier, high quality products from socially responsible companies.”

Milliennials hate religion: Celebrating Lent: Why non-religious millennials are choosing to sacrifice“Young people are disappointed with religion. They are not engaged, not connected. They do not feel part of the community.”

“Ouch!” said Stacey Jenkins, an Ohio graduate student who admitted that she’d love to own a home when her career path becomes more settled, but admitted that she hasn’t eaten at McDonald’s since she became a vegetarian/pacifist at the age of 11, and doesn’t own a car, preferring to take the bus. “But you know what they say: ‘one man’s trash, that’s another man’s come up.'”